In 1996, Derek Jeter, arguably one of the greatest baseball players the Major League has ever seen, was asked if he feared rejection for the starting position at his role with the New York Yankees.
He simply replied:
” Everyone Fears Rejection. “
And that’s a future Baseball Hall of Famer. 🙂
Whether it’s about rejection by someone you like/respect, or for a position you seek, making the fear go away is always about being able to keep looking at things objectively, and having a positive disposition towards whatever it is you’re trying to accomplish.
It’ll become clearer as we progress. 🙂
1. Understand what’s at stake, realistically
Sure getting a certain someone’s approval might be important to you, for different reasons, but focusing on those reasons won’t help with the fear of rejection. It might help to just keep things in perspective, and realize that whatever ends up happening, even in the worst case scenario, (extreme cases aside!) you will be alright.
It can be helpful to be aware, when you’re getting your knickers in a bunch about something that’s really a 1st world problem. And look there’s nothing wrong about the 1st world! What I mean by 1st world problems, is problems that don’t actually don’t even have the power to break your life. 🙂
Rejection by someone you like:
Definitely not something you should concern yourself with too much in my opinion since really their approval of you doesn’t change who you are, what you’re worth, and if your self-esteem is at healthy levels to begin with, it won’t even affect the way you feel about yourself.
First world anxiety. 🙂
So if you really think about it, in that particular example, there’s nothing much really at stake here if you’re about to ask them out, or confess your appreciation.. except maybe your ego/dignity but hey you can’t get something for nothing right.. 🙂
Just a simple example of how sometimes rejection is really inconsequential, and fearing it becomes unnecessary and even irrational. Easier said than done I know, but trust that the more you adopt this attitude of really looking at best case scenario/worst case scenario, the more at ease you will feel making important decisions.
Best case scenario: You win big time.
Worst case scenario: You understand how to win next time.
Either way, you win.
Now again, it’s not always that simple, but like I said, it’s useful to at least make that analysis, and recognize when things really are that plain, so you can liberate your mind act confidently. (which often bodes well for you too)
2. Remember your strengths
Another technique I found really effective is making mental notes, of any positive things I can say about myself, in relation to the situation.
For example, job interview, I make a mental list (or an actual list) of all the reasons I’m fit for the role.
Just an example.
It helps you get clear in your head, again, why you’re here, what you’re supposed to be presenting, and why you should be considered. You keep all of those things in mind, and recognize that nobody’s decision could ever take those away from you.
It can be your qualities, your skills, your experience or past successes, whatever it is, these things of forever yours.
This person or organisation could never take them away from you, so be proud and if they can’t see it, move on to someone who will recognize the awesome in you.
It’s not about feeling entitled, it’s about seeing things as they are.
A beautiful Chevy Corvette Stingray can’t help the fact that you don’t recognize it’s worth or you don’t know the brand Chevrolet. All it can do is be the absolutely gorgeous and hugely underrated sports car that it is.
It won’t reduce it’s horsepower or morph back into a truck because you don’t know what you’re seeing. No.
It will just keep on doing it’s thing, until a knowledgeable individual comes along and appreciates what it is, and what it does.
Now granted, beauty is subjective, but numbers aren’t.. 🙂
People will debate your “flashiness”, but won’t debate how you make them feel, or what results you produce. And that’s why you’ve gotta bank on that, always. 🙂
“People will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
On a sidenote, if you’re interested in learning how to connect with people at an emotional level, I’ve researched that a great deal and you can get the information over here. 🙂
So what if you’re not a Corvette?
3. Keep improving your weaknesses
Relationship gurus will tell you to ‘work on your inner-game’, and that’s very good advice. Because if you can master your “inner game” as they say, which basically means getting a handle on your own life, then you’re setting yourself up for success later on when you try to include other people, or add something to it.
I think having this positive attitude of constant improvement can really help you consistently put yourself out there and face rejection over and over again, which is what people who actually get nice things have to do, or have been doing.
You want this job, gotta send a resume, gotta make a phone call, gotta do this or that other inconvenient thing. Wanna get this opportunity, gotta go to that meeting, gotta network, gotta create and face rejection, criticism, all of it.
But if you do these things with the attitude that you’re interested in how to do them better, I think nothing can really stop you from getting what you want in the end, not even rejection.